Saturday, August 15, 2009
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The Drama Mama
Certainly one of the easiest Moms to spot is the Drama Mama. She is characterized by the constant swirl of “interesting and significant” events in her and her children’s lives. These events may be real or not.
Drama Mamas have the ability to take any minor occurrence and turn it into something huge and important. She will always rush into a room, often late, and launch right into her latest tale of woe. Her hardships may be (but are certainly not limited to) medical emergencies, issues at school, neighborhood in-fighting, and car trouble.
Another interesting characteristic of the Drama Mama is that she will not allow anyone else to trump her drama. If one mom is talking about her child’s unfortunate upper respiratory infection, Drama Mama will dive right in with a tale of walking pneumonia. Oh the horror!
In rare cases, a Drama Mama will collect stories from other sources and use them as her own. Vague and rare medical conditions seen on TV and readings in tabloids are excellent fodder. This type of Drama Mama is especially toxic, because her lying is boundless. If she is so desperate for attention that she will make up stories, she may take the next step to creating actual drama, which can derail friendships.
There is also the Drama Mama by Proxy. I admit to falling into this role on occasion. You see, I am blessed with a mother-in-law who leaves chaos in her wake. She is a Drama Mama, and I get the opportunity to use her stories for the entertainment of my friends. It’s a tad mean, but I rationalize that since I never mock her to her face and my friends do not know her, that it isn’t such a major offense. Drama Mamas and Martyr Moms are also closely related. Look for a post on the Martyr Mom later…
How not to become part of the drama:
* Be polite and listen if you feel you should, but do not ask too many questions. This only feeds the Drama Mama’s need for attention
* If she interrupts someone else’s story to take over, steer the conversation back to the original speaker.
* Change the subject. If she monopolizes a conversation (which she often does), wait until she draws breath and ask what everyone is doing over the weekend, what they think about a partcularly volatile political situation, or the latest celebrity gossip.
* Do not allow yourself to get directly involved with the drama. Do not take her shopping for the right clothes to wear after her maybe/emergency appendectomy.
* It goes without saying that if you ever think she’s jumped the shark and is in a position to harm her children or herself, inform the proper authorities.
Friday, August 14, 2009
The Purpose of this Blog
Aside from the usual stuff I was unprepared for when I had my first child, I was more surprised by the culture among the mothers I met. No one tells you that while you are adjusting to having a new little person in your life that you also have to navigate the murky social waters of moms and motherhood.
I was in a unique position with my first child, in that my husband was deployed, leaving me with a six-month-old. As a “single” parent, I depended more on my network of mothers for support than I would have if my husband had been home.
I should also mention that I am more of an introvert. Sure, I do pretty well socially, but it is more effort for me than for a natural people-person. When my husband left, I knew that getting out more was healthy for both my child and me.
One of my dear friends from college, May, had a baby nine months older than mine and was well into the baby social scene. She invited me to join a weekly playgroup with five other moms with similarly-aged babies. They met at a Gymboree class and formed a little outside group of their own. (for more on Gymboree, see later posts…) I quickly started living for Wednesday mornings, when I could see my new mom friends and get a break from the routine. They were an invaluable resource for me and helped me get through over two years without my husband.
As I spent more time with my new friends, I came to identify their personality types. I should mention that I moved around quite a bit growing up and learned early that people are fall into general personality types no matter where you live or what age they are. You know the types: the bully, the cheerleader, the ringleader, etc. Yeah, everyone is different and does not neatly fall into a category, but generally, you get a feeling pretty early as to how a person functions and what his or her motivations are.
This is a helpful skill to have in life, whether in school, business or your private life. However, I have felt for several years, now that there is a massive gap in identifying these personality types in the culture of motherhood; not so much in how types of people parent, but in how these types manifest themselves in the motherhood social groups. How people socialize as parents, and among other parents, is very different than how these same people relate in a business or social setting without children.
The purpose of this blog is to identify the different types and to give you practical tools to effectively interact with them. You will be able to adeptly deal with the good, the bad, and the ugly. In doing so, you will be able to build better friendships and keep the peace in the wild world that is Mom Infested Waters.
I was in a unique position with my first child, in that my husband was deployed, leaving me with a six-month-old. As a “single” parent, I depended more on my network of mothers for support than I would have if my husband had been home.
I should also mention that I am more of an introvert. Sure, I do pretty well socially, but it is more effort for me than for a natural people-person. When my husband left, I knew that getting out more was healthy for both my child and me.
One of my dear friends from college, May, had a baby nine months older than mine and was well into the baby social scene. She invited me to join a weekly playgroup with five other moms with similarly-aged babies. They met at a Gymboree class and formed a little outside group of their own. (for more on Gymboree, see later posts…) I quickly started living for Wednesday mornings, when I could see my new mom friends and get a break from the routine. They were an invaluable resource for me and helped me get through over two years without my husband.
As I spent more time with my new friends, I came to identify their personality types. I should mention that I moved around quite a bit growing up and learned early that people are fall into general personality types no matter where you live or what age they are. You know the types: the bully, the cheerleader, the ringleader, etc. Yeah, everyone is different and does not neatly fall into a category, but generally, you get a feeling pretty early as to how a person functions and what his or her motivations are.
This is a helpful skill to have in life, whether in school, business or your private life. However, I have felt for several years, now that there is a massive gap in identifying these personality types in the culture of motherhood; not so much in how types of people parent, but in how these types manifest themselves in the motherhood social groups. How people socialize as parents, and among other parents, is very different than how these same people relate in a business or social setting without children.
The purpose of this blog is to identify the different types and to give you practical tools to effectively interact with them. You will be able to adeptly deal with the good, the bad, and the ugly. In doing so, you will be able to build better friendships and keep the peace in the wild world that is Mom Infested Waters.
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